So Olive called today, Ryan is home which is great because we only have 1 healthy embryo. This is the biggest blow yet. Obviously when we started this journey we didn't expect this outcome. I never expected in my life to be 36 and struggling to get pregnant. Ryan and I are so meant for each other, so why can't we have a baby?! I used to look at terrible couples in our lives and think that there must be a reason that they cannot have a baby, like it is a sign that they shouldn't. I highly regret ever having those feeling for other people. Is this my karma for that?
Someone once said to my best friend and I that her husband and her had no problem having babies since they were meant to be. I think of that every day, I know that is not a law, or even scientific, but it lingers in my head. I wish that I had met Ryan when I was 28, and not 33. Maybe if we had started trying when we were younger it would have worked better. Ryan is going to make such an amazing dad, and it breaks my heart to see him with all of our friend's children. He is so great with them, and is such a child at heart himself.
This weekend is Richie's surprise party so I have that to distract me, in the mean time I am back on Estrace to prep myself for my transfer. Once my uterine lining is thick enough we will be good to go.
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